Chasing Jesus

I didn’t want to go. My sister and a couple of friends put on a conference every year, and I had gone in years past, but I didn’t feel like going this year. I was struggling with some things at home, and the people that usually went that I really liked couldn’t come this year. At home, it had been a struggle just to put a smile on my face. It had been hard to love my family like Jesus had been asking me to. It had been almost impossible to worship Him at all, and it was hard to be supporting my family because of the baggage I was carrying emotionally with all the conflicts I was having.

As I prayed about going, I felt Jesus tell me, “Go and see what I’m going to do. Go because you need fellowship with other believers this weekend. Go because I’m asking you to.” Little did I know that what Jesus told me wasn’t all He had wanted to tell me. He just told me enough to get me to go there - because I wouldn’t believe Him if He told me anything else. Little did I know what would happen.

On the car ride there, I wanted to go back home. I had no idea what I was doing. I was blindly obeying Jesus, and it was exciting and a little scary at the same time. One random thing that happened on the way was that my calf had started cramping up and was really hurting. But, nonetheless, I did my best to forget about the pain and remember what Jesus had said. So I decided to buckle up and see what happened.

The first two days were pretty weird. It felt awkward being there, and in my head, I was still stuck with thoughts of home. Worship and prayer times didn’t feel right, and overall just felt very unnatural - which is very strange for me. I felt a huge burden from things going on at home, and I didn’t know what to do with it. In theory, I knew that I should give it to Jesus (Matthew 11:28), but I didn’t know how!

On the second afternoon there, a prayer warrior friend took me aside after our worship time and prayed for the things going on at home and a couple of other things. I told her that my calf was acting up, and I thought it might be a spiritual attack. Whenever I came to places where Jesus would do a work in my life, some physical thing would flare up. She told me that it could very well be. A few hours later, when I went to bed, I noticed that my calf muscle wasn’t acting up as much as it had been. Weird. I told my friend about it and told her that I thought it was a spiritual attack because whenever I went to places like this where Jesus was going to show up in a special way for me, something physically acted up for me

As I was falling asleep that night, Jesus brought back to mind a conversation that I had had with a different friend about giving praise to God. She mentioned that it had helped her when she needed to be free from something but didn’t know how. As Jesus brought it back to mind, I dismissed it. What a joke - I never praised people because it felt so awkward to me. Eventually putting aside my own comfort, I started praising Jesus for who He was, what He had done in the past, and what He was going to do in the future. I fell asleep that night peacefully.

The next morning, I realized He had taken the burden away from me like I had asked Him to, and I felt so free inside! I was free to worship and pray without anything in between me and Jesus. I was able to connect with people on a deeper level when I couldn’t before. I was able to sing from my heart when it felt awkward before. I was able to really smile again. My calf wasn’t hurting as bad, and I felt so much lighter inside. After I had that encounter with Jesus, I left better than I came - and that’s all because of Him.

If you were to ask me, “Do you regret going to the REAL gathering?”, I would firmly say, “No.”I went only because Jesus asked me to. Jesus doesn’t force us to say “yes” to Him and the things that He wants us to do. But by obeying Jesus, I found a peace and joy that only He can give. I came with a burden and left with it in the hands of my Heavenly Father. No, this wasn’t the moment when I first committed my life to Jesus, but it was another surrender moment for me - and I’m so glad I surrendered myself into His hands because there are no better hands than His.

So what about you? Is Jesus asking you to surrender something to Him--a burden, a circumstance, your finances, or your very life, but you feel like it’s too hard or you don’t know how? I would encourage you to talk about it with Him like I did. Let Him know how you feel - He wants to hear! There’s no “one-way” to surrender. I think people do different things for different circumstances. But with that in mind, keep your heart open to Him and watch Him work!

I hope my story encourages you to obey Jesus in the things He is asking you to do because what I found is this: Jesus is worth the chase!

-Bethany Mellas