Letting People In

If you’d told me five or even two years ago that I would start writing blog posts, I would’ve laughed at the idea.

You see, I’m someone who’s very reserved when it comes to communicating thoughts and feelings, even to people I trust. I’ve struggled with this for years. Sure it’s good to have a reasonable amount of reserve, but my tendency is to push everyone away and bottle everything up inside.

The closer I grow to God, though, the more I realise how unhealthy that is.

In the Bible, it says to “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2 )

I can’t bear my burdens alone. God knows that, and He’s shown me how true it is. He’s shown me that I need Him above all, but also that I need to be willing to open up.

If we’re called to carry each other’s burdens, how can my fellow Christians help me carry mine when they don’t know about the burdens in the first place? How can my friends pray for me if I can’t admit I need it?

So when I started thinking about that, I decided I needed to change something. I started small and started answering the question of “how are you doing?” with an honest response. I answer according to how I’m actually feeling, rather than going with the simpler, easier answer of “I’m doing well.” It’s a very small change, but it’s helped me so, so much.

I’ve now gotten to a point where I feel more comfortable sharing about what I’m struggling with. I’m learning to express myself and trust people.

More and more, I’m coming to understand how powerful prayer is and how incredible it is when it’s not just me praying for Christ’s guidance but also those around me praying for me.

So many of my relationships have been strengthened by being willing to be vulnerable. It’s hard for me to let my walls down, but if that’s what I need to do for Jesus to do His work in me, I will.

Would I rather sit in the corner and stay silent most of the time? Oh yes. Do I still struggle to speak up? Definitely. Is God able to use me in spite of all that and help me overcome those things? Without a doubt.

-Abigail F